How to be an Oilers Fan

1. Never, ever, cheer for the Flames. Ever. Even if they're playing for the Stanley Cup Finals. Even if they're playing Dallas.

2. The Oilers are not one of those teams that are 'just one step' away from making the jump. The Oilers have all the pieces already. But they don't know how to put them together properly, is all.

3. When you hear a fan criticizing some element of the Oilers, immediately correct them by telling them that no, the part of the team in question is just fine. It's some other part of the team that is letting them down.

3a. Immediately launch into a much more devastating and harsh criticism of your own personally identified fault. Nothing says 'Edmonton Fan' like ripping your own team to shreds. Only Philladelphia is better at it.

4. Take pride and show respect to the league as a whole. For the most part, Oilers fans are generally recognized as being pretty classy. Keep that up. Even to idiotic mouthbreathing inbred Flames fans.

5. Resist cheap gags and tricks to build some sort of 'crowd presence.' It was silver pom-poms last year, inflatable thundersticks a few years before that. Let it GO. It makes the city look cheap when the team tries to make up some sort of crowd tradition. Leave the 'White-Outs' or what-have-you to Winnipeg and the like.

5a. Sheer noise, however, wins. The Colessium is one of the loudest places to be in all the world during the playoffs. That's plenty, really.

5b. Oh, and the anthems. HUGE fan-points from all around North America for that...that's become one of the most memorable moments in sports, let alone hockey. And it was totally spontaneous. That's what makes it cool.

5b.-1. But only during the playoffs. And even then, save it for the BIG games (Game 1, Game 7, any game of the Finals)

6. Don't pay attention whatsoever to what any other fan tells you to do. For gods sake, you paid upwards of $40 for that ticket...do whatever the hell you want with it!


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